It's not what you think!
But, hopefully, it's something you can take on and do - for you and our children!
So how is your daily schedule development plan going? Have you taken the time to sit down with your family and establish some plans? Have you already begun to implement? Or are you still avoiding this?
If you're plugging ahead - great!! Just remember to check in and see how it's going and adjust as you need to.
If you're feeling stuck - why? What's getting in the way? Do you have your doubts about whether or not a schedule is helpful? Did you try to get your kids to talk about this but they just wouldn't participate? Did you get as far as posting the schedule but they won't give it a real try? Where are you stuck? And why? What would help you move forward to get beyond this stuck place?
What if you just accepted that this has been hard? Harder than you thought it would be? And what if you could still feel "good enough" despite that?
If you ask the right questions, you'll get the right answers - breathe and listen to your inner wisdom.
Until next time, be well and be content.
One of the things you've probably run into (assuming you've listened to and tried to implement strategies in this past Sunday's podcast) is that it can seem difficult to WANT to create structure. It feels "too boxed in". You worry that your kids will be bored and rebel against the schedules even if they've participated in creating them. You've had the freedom when kids were home on evenings and weekends to not have the structure or any of the limits that it imposes. So why bother?
Well, if we want to help kids deal with anxiety, we'll need to look at this strategy more closely.
Think of the last suspenseful movie you watched. Do you remember the thrill of being on the edge of your seat waiting expectantly for the next dramatic scene to unfold? If you think back, beyond the music which generated a sense of tension (think of that shower scene in Psycho! or the music from Jaws), it's the not knowing what will happen next, but feeling compelled to try to imagine it ahead of time. If you're like me, you cover your eyes in anticipation!
You see, one of the things that creates tension - which we call anxiety when it's about our own lives and not something on a movie - is not knowing what's going to happen next.
Schedules, while they might be work to set up and generate some friction when we try to implement them, increase the sense of predictability. This means we know exactly what's going to happen next.
It's like watching a suspenseful movie sitting beside someone who's seen it before and ruins the 'tension' by loudly announcing what's going to happen. You know the kind! They're the ones no one wants to watch a movie with. At the theatre, having no surprise is boring. Living day to day with only "surprises" is stressful. Anxiety provoking. Uncomfortable.
And when we're stressed, anxious and uncomfortable, we don't do our best.
What do you think? Have I convinced you yet that setting up a schedule is an anxiety prevention measure that's worth implementing in your daily life during the pandemic?
Kyokan Connections has moved to www.kyokanconnect.com. But if you're reading this, you already know that!
The blog content from the previous website will (gradually) be moved over to this address (while I would love for it to be instantaneous, it does take time to do all that copy paste business...), so you will be able to find all previous content...soon! It will, undoubtedly also be edited, added to, and refined in the process.
Essentially, there are three things you need to know about this resource:
First, this blog is for anyone who cares for children. This includes parents, grand-parents, foster parents, child care workers, teachers, educational assistants, coaches, tutors, and anyone else involved in mentoring and supporting the growth and development of children. And while the focus is on children with anxiety, in fairness, that's MOST children at some point in their life. Whether it's separating from parents, performing in front of others, doing school work, socializing, or getting through exams, we've all been there at one time or another. Anxiety affects us all. It's just a matter of to what degree and the related circumstances.
Secondly, the thoughts shared in this blog reflect my own personal experiences as a child of an anxious parent and parent of an anxious child. They are also deeply informed by my experiences in the inter-related roles as a child development specialist, mental health clinician and parent educator....most notably with children who struggle with anxiety for a large number of reasons - from attachment and medical traumas to developmental disabilities.
And finally, the perspectives offered are educational in nature and is not intended to replace competent, individualized medical or therapeutic care for you or your child. If your child needs (or would benefit from) medical or therapeutic care, consider accessing help from a registered health professional in your area who understands your child's (and your) needs.
I'm Judith Pinto, a child development specialist, mental health clinician and parent educator. I am also the child of an anxious parent...and a parent of an anxious child. Heck! I'm probably a little anxious too!